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FoolishRomanticboy
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Name: Matty
Location: Battle Creek, Michigan, United States
Birthday: 9/7/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: Oh....wow...lets see. Well I love music. I love to skate. I make skate videos on my spare time. I write music every now and then. Ehh...show choir. I do some acting when asked. I guess...at the moment im all of my friends theraphist. But hey I love to help when I can! But there are two things that are taking over. School and...well its a person. Oh... how could i forget...God!! Gotta love him because he loves you!
Expertise: The only thing i know for sure, is that I know nothing! -Socrates
Occupation: Other
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Matttothec
MSN: Matttothec
Member Since:
1/23/2005
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(That's me)
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Just too many thoughts are going through my head. Im not really sure what to think.... i dont know whats best for anyone.. or myself. Seems like things in life just cant be what they were no matter how badly I want them to be. Enjoy your lives people... i willl try and do the same. | | |
| Yeah i guess its time for me to actually update this thing instead of being vague and romantic. Because apparently those two things get you nowhere in life. Ok so here it is. The past few months have been a roller coaster. Somethings got great and wonderful. Somethings didnt. But thats ok. Its how it goes. So yeah lately i have been skating a lot more. Sorta just doing to get exercise and waste time inbetween working and talking with my lady. Been ok. Thats really about it. I wish my life had more substance. But as some people say "You cant handle it" So i guess im not ready for more. But thats not a bad thing ya know. Just how it is. I guess i really want to talk about a certain thing. But i cant because i dont want to bitch. Even though its not bitching haha. I think i have changed a lot over this past year. Before i always ran on logic and defensive emotions. Thats just how i was. But the past year i have opened up to see if i could find a new side of me. Something to help me bond and grow with other people. It worked, but sadly not for the best result. Because now im oversensitive and anxious. I feel out of control now that i am letting things go. And i dont like it. I dont want to be defensive again, but i dont want to be this worried little child anymore. I just want to be me. I dont know.. i just wish i could let the guy inside me out. I have social axiety... so its hard for me to be around people. But being by myself is worse. I would rather be in school... work... anything. Thats when im happy. Even with the one person who makes me the happiest... i cant even be myself because i feel so nervous. Because i dont know how to act with people now. Whats right.. whats wrong. I havent really told anyone but my anxiety wont stop the last few months. I can never relax now. I cant stop worrying... i cant stop feeling nervous and paranoid. I just cant stop it and relax like i used to. Im starting to think i have a problem.. but i guess i just have to deal my way through it. Because... i really dont know how to talk or convey myself to anyone anymore. Sorry to complain so much... well im gonna go wait for my beautiful love. I will hopefully talk to you guys later. Bye bye. | | |
| This is to the girl who has my heart.
Everyone has there own view of life and their own view of love. Can love be shared with everyone? Can love be shared with only 3 people? Or is love reserved for only that certain special someone? I have been searching my thoughts and feelings lately. I have come to... I dont want there to be anyone else. I dont want there ever to be a time where someone else could take my eye. The love I share with is special someone is beyond words. So for all of you who think love is something that can just be given to all or 3. I disagree. My love and my heart belongs and always will belong to this special someone. She puts up with me. She takes my crap, my shyness, my retardedness, my worrying, my stupid comments, my teenage stunts, my bad kisses, my bad moods, my complaining, my over dramatic ways, the way i can never just come out and say something, my stupid fat, my inability to grow a beard, and she doesnt care. If she does she helps me. Does this girl i love know how much she means to me? Probably not. No words could ever describe her. I have tried. She listens to me. She waits. She doesnt ask anything of me. Besides grow a beard, but i love her anyways. Have you ever felt in your heart the uncertainty of life? Who you will be, where you will go, or will you reach your dreams? With this special someone she is my dream. She helps me relax about what i dont know, because who cares about the unknown? Its unknown heh so why care? But most of all... she is where i want to end up. Staring off on a hillside at night at the stars. But what she never noticed was me only looking at her glowing eyes. I know she thinks i love her. And true... I love her more than anything in my life. But she has no idea how much i love her. How she is my everything. Not to be creepy... and of course not to be weird. But when you are in love... you will understand these sentimental words. So does she know? Does she know i wake every morning only thinking of her? Does she know before i sleep i only thing about her? Does she know... i would give my life for hers? Does she know i love her with all my heart? I dont know. This special someone... my angel. She is loved. She is unconditionally loved by me. My heart will always be hers. I want to see her smile. I want to see her laugh. I want to see her happy. When i would give everything i have just to make her happy, and just to hear her say those 3 wonderful words. I dont know... would you understand? Have you ever felt that lightness in your heart when you see that special someone? Do you remember the exact moment you fell in love? I do... i remember and feel all of it. My special someone is what i would call scrumtrelescent. She knows what i mean heh. I remember the exact moment i fell in love. I remember the exact moment when i knew i wanted to only be hers and she be mine. I still feel it everyday. How do you know when to be brave and say something serious? Are you ever nervous about their reaction? Will they leave you or be mad? Of course i feel that too. But somewhere in my mind i know she wont leave me. I may not act like it. But she wont. And if she does... I know its for a reason i will understand. I love her. I cant be mad at her. When this certain special someone speaks, is it like you are at peace? Do you feel at ease? Could you listen all night long and never say a word besides uh huh? I could... and i wish i didnt talk so much heh. Let me ask all of you this. For a certain special someone would you... everyday write them an email to wake up to, spend money you dont really have to spend, wait hours to talk for 20 min online, danger of being killed, have to tell everyone "no we arent together" which tears you apart inside, be late to work, be late for friends, and do sooo many other things just because you love them? And most of all... not mind doing any of it? Infact... love doing it? Does just the thought of this special someone put the biggest and silliest grin on your face? Do you dream of them.... do you wish with all of your heart to be close to them? I live my life for her. My special someone is a dream come true and everything i love in this life. But the one thing I love the most about my baby... my love... is that she puts up with me and still loves me. *kiss* This is to you Sweetness. I love you with all that i am. Thats it. Bless all of you. | | |
| So i just got my state ranking back for disc golf. Meh..i am happy with it i guess. I need to improve it for sure. I am like 111th out of 292 people in the state. But yeah pretty bored obviously. Yeah there is a big tourny this weekend in detroit, but my sponsor wont give me any money to get there and enter which sucks. Because i could probably win it. I need to get another sponsor... seriously. I have another tournament comin up in a few weeks so i better get ready. Gotta go practice!! See ya guys later! | | |
| Yeah so of course im sure everyone has heard of the decision handed down today for spartanaires. And true I am no longer apart of that group. Yet i gave a huge part of my life to it over the past few years, and im sure i feel as most others do, that its a sad day. But to be honest it can only affect me and other people so long. The people i truly feel bad for are the people who have experienced this group and now have to become apart of something much lesser. Also i feel bad for the possibly hundreds of other kids who will never experience what a great time spartanaires could have been for them. I look back and I see that no matter how much i said i hated, wanted to quit, or was just plain pissy about being there. I know that spartanaires was one of the greatest things i have ever done. It was something meaningful to me and many others. True it was just a bunch of kids on stage, but it was so much more. And i feel sorry for those who will be losing out on finding so much happiness and excitement with that group. I always said the group wouldnt go 5 more years, basically i said that to sort of keep people to always try and make that not happen. I never wanted it to actually occur. And now that i know that what i gave so much time, energy, and emotion to will be simply turned into a joke like chelsea. But it seems like all the alumni i talk to arent susprised and dont care. Which makes me feel bad too, because what about all they gave and wanted? I guess things change and you cant help that. I dont know... it feels like its an end of an era. Something that was always inspiring to me growing up watching... i always wanted to do it. And i did it and it was amazing. Now its over... just because some people dont want competition or to deal with the basic life of being in a showchoir. I guess you cant fight it though, because all we can do is say "Hey please dont, we love it how it is. Dont change it for the sake of how much it means to us" But it has nothing to do with how people feel anymore. Its just how some people want it. Guess i regret to a point all the effort i put in now, because it was for nothing. I wanted to do well so people like we and other people who loved performing could actually do it. But now... thats not gonna happen. And yes they will perform. But its nothing like how it was. But as im sure a bunch of you will say "Your not in the group so what does it matter to you?" So i guess i will end this now... bye | | |
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